What Fun
I have become what is generally referred to as a ‘care-giver’. That is the vital password to get anyone to explain to you what in hell is going on.
It is an interesting field. On Saturday I was at what amounted to a graduate seminar on bowel movements. I now know more about them than Thomas Crapper did when he was installing his new and improved ‘water closet’ for London’s elite during the reign of Queen Victoria. His plumbing fixtures were actually a status symbol, and people would mention that they had a ‘Crapper’, the best that money could buy.
Next up is properly describing urine, so I don’t sound like a rookie. Apparently quantity, color, clarity, and ‘bouquet’ are all important to know. Not much different than wine, when you think about it, which I really don’t want to do.
I already hired two people, but everyone says I need to get a third. We’ll see.
This is going to be a long-term operation, but things will reach a level of normalcy, as everyone keeps telling me.
8 comments
Funny… I keep getting told that also! I can’t wait for it to happen! 😉 😀
Good luck! I went through all that with my Mom for 19 mth’s before she passed. My sisters were far too busy being the worthless cow’s they are, and my father was worse. Now you know why it’s just “Me, myself and I”. haven’t seen any of them in 15 or so years, and have zero wish too.
Yeah… you are right about the urine, and other bodily products! 😉 Don’t worry… I won’t gloat! 😀
*sigh* It’s tough, but you have to do it, as I did. I don’t regret any of it for a second. I got to know so much more about my Mom and that side of my family than I would have, and I was able to make it a little easier for her. And she got to know a lot about me that very few others (those mostly in the Mil/Int services) know about me. My mom had a wicked sense of humor (which she passed on to me, which you could have guessed, right?) And just before she passed, she said it was a good thing she was otherwise she’d never have known what I’d been up to all those years! 😀 Humor helps a lot my friend. As does our backgrounds. She was my Mother, but more importantly, we were best friends. She told me on the last day, that I was always her favorite, and she was very proud of me. I told her I knew, as she was mine. There were tears, and I think it was that moment when much of the anger & stress of my Mil/Int *career* washed away. She was also the only person whose opinion of me I ever cared about.
You’ll be fine, even though it doesn’t seem so at times. I wish I could help.
Good luck and best wishes!
Thanks a lot, Kryten. My family is too geographically separated to give much help, although they want to do it. I give them things to do that save me time and energy. The reason for my selection was location – the others involved needed a local contact to coordinate everything and sign all of the forms, while providing aid to the patient. I would be doing it anyway, because that’s the way my family does things – you don’t abandon a relative and leave them in a nursing home among strangers.
Of course, some members want to do the nursing home thing, because ‘family’ doesn’t always mean ‘friends’ to everyone.
Yeah, too many people leave too much unsaid, and always regret it. When things calm down and there is a routine established, the relatives will start showing up to settle old matters and make things right. You were fortunate to be able to do it.
I guess it is that time. I’m dreading when my own mother reaches that milestone. I live half a continent away from her and my brother is blind and might as well live half a continent away from her rather than just half a state.
I dropped by to see what your thoughts were on Russia apparently going ahead with the full annexation of Crimea, but I suspect that’s hardly something you’re giving any attention to at the moment. Priorities are important. The correct ones even more so.
We’ve been there, Bryan. It’s hard to do, but you do what you have to because of family. You learn more about bodily functions than you ever thought possible! We took care of my mother-in-law for several years with two helpers coming in and out of her house, but even with all of us involved she was alone several hours during the day and night. The doctors finally advised that she be moved into a nursing home where she lasted a year.
She was indignant at first and horrified at the disabled people who were in the place, but she did enjoy the daily attention and care. Still, it was hard on her. My husband visited several times a week, carrying in a dvd player and dvds of musicals that she loved, which helped. I have to confess it was a relief to know she didn’t pass away alone.
I hope you find the help you need. There are helpers out there who are worth their weight in gold… and those who are thieves and bastards. We went by word of mouth and found two who were reliable.
Sending you love and support… and the word is normality not normalcy, dammit!
Bryan, I really admire what you’re doing for your mother. Being a bonafide “caregiver” myself, I know a bit of what you’re experiencing. Hang in there!
I’m not sure in my case that I will be able to avoid the nursing home experience completely, but luckily we are a rural location, the nursing home is small, and the patients are treated like an extended family. Family members are welcome to come any and all hours – even have lunch and dinner with them. It may come to that for me some day. Maybe not…
It’s obvious how much you love your mother, and I really hope for you that everything settles down soon and that she can be with you for a long time to come.
Badtux, I think Putin blew it when he asked for the acceptance of the Crimea as part of Russia. Russia was better off with the Crimea affecting Ukraine’s policies. The people in the Crimea are going to discover that Putin and Russia are not going to improve things there, any more than they have improved things in the break-away areas of Georgia. They really don’t care.
I’m sure there are good nursing homes in other states, but in Florida they are owned by corporations who want to extract the maximum profit. Given that our current governor was the CEO of the hospital corporation that received the largest Medicare/Medicaid fine ever, quality health care is not a feature of the Florida system.
California has and enforces regulations and standards, locally owned small nursing homes tend to be communities. The situation is totally different in Florida. Generally they are understaffed with underpaid workers who burn-out quickly. A good facility has long-time employees who like what they do and build relationships with patients. You won’t find that on the Panhandle.
Actually, Ellroon, the more accurate word would be predictability – knowing what is ahead for the day so you can do some planning
Juanita, you do what you can do, and when you can’t do it all, you have to make tough decisions.
Bryan, my mother doesn’t live in California and getting her here if she is medically fragile will be… non-trivial. And I can’t live in Louisiana. I just can’t. And we’ve had our own scandals here, such as when the owners of one for-profit nursing home just completely abandoned the place, just walked away, took the money and ran, leaving the cook and a couple of orderlies behind as the only people to care for the patients. They realized that wasn’t kosher and called the local police, of course… at which point it came to light that the nursing home had been ordered weeks ago by the state regulators to shut down, but nobody from the state regulators had ever bothered to follow up and see if it had actually been shut down or the patients relocated.
So don’t think your local nursing homes are unusual. They aren’t. Good ones are hard to find regardless of where you’re located. Usually the best you can do is find one that isn’t actively trying to kill your relative and will allow you to be an active participant in the caregiving (i.e., they don’t have anything to hide, so they don’t try to keep you out while they give your relative substandard care), the nursing home at that point becomes basically an overglorified laundry and cafeteria and source of extra helping hands for what you would be doing at home, not something worth the huge fees they typically charge.
My mother was director of nursing at multiple private nursing homes over the years, and finished her career at a state-run nursing home for the severely disabled, those whose medical needs were too severe for private “community-based” facilities. The best run of those facilities was the state-run one. She also worked at both private and public hospitals during her career. Again, the best run of those facilities was the public hospital, they ran a lean but effective facility that provided care equal to or better than the private hospitals but for significantly lower per-patient costs (albeit at a cost in convenience, intake, for example, was an utter zoo where unless you were actively dying you had to wait for hours to be admitted). From my family’s personal experience with both that and the VA care of my father, I have no fear of socialized medicine. Private providers have an incentive to kill you if you’re sucking up more resources than you’re bringing in. Government-run providers have no such incentive. My father got the best care possible in that VA hospital at the end of his life…
I’m always amazed by the Congresscritters who have the gall to complain about socialized medicine, and then use Walter Reed Army or Bethesda Navy hospitals for anything serious. There are private enterprise hospitals in DC, but they don’t get chosen very often. Stephen Hawking seems to be surviving on socialized medicine and he’s in his early 70s.
Medical transportation is really outrageous because there are very few companies that do it, and you have to cover the cost of the trained personnel and equipment required. That said, a few Canadian provinces pay the price to bring their citizens home, rather than covering the cost of a US hospital stay. They say it saves money.
Yeah, you are caught between a rock and a hard place on that choice, Badtux, but I figure whichever way you go will be the right choice, probably the only choice you could make under the circumstances. My Mom had to spend a couple of months in a nursing home for rehab after a hospital stay, I we selected the least bad choice in the area. They had some nice people there, but none of them were members of the management.
At least someone in government noticed there was a problem. Down here it takes a law suit after a patient death to get authorities involved in any way.