No More Mr. Nice Guy

by Bryan

33 comments

1 ellroon { 08.14.12 at 7:14 pm }

/makes mental note to never ever piss off Bryan….

2 Bryan { 08.14.12 at 7:49 pm }

That should be – don’t mess with his first cup of coffee of the morning, because that’s a necessity to become human for another day…

3 paintedjaguar { 08.14.12 at 8:46 pm }

Waking up recapitulates phylogeny.

Me, I’ve never been one to spring out of repose like a lark on the wing. Most mornings I start nearer the level of a slime mold. If I’m lucky, I may make it to reptile by noon or so.

4 Bryan { 08.14.12 at 9:30 pm }

I spent two decades working in distant time zones or after dark, so this up at the crack of dawn stuff is not natural and requires caffeine to even fake. Messing with my coffee is a major mistake which will be corrected – permanently.

5 hipparchia { 08.15.12 at 6:03 pm }

all-natural, manna-from-the-sky-protein-enriched coffee, it could save on cooking breakfast….

i’ve sometimes wondered if a bug zapper could be rigged to kill fleas.

6 Bryan { 08.15.12 at 8:01 pm }

Fleas are too small. The effective grid would have so little clearance that dust would short it out.

I can assure you that until my caffeine level is up I don’t attempt anything as complicated as making toast.

7 hipparchia { 08.15.12 at 10:36 pm }

i’m the opposite – i have to have food before i can operate anything as complicated as a coffeemaker. 🙂

i’ve actually had good results with setting out shallow dishes of soapy water and letting the fleas drown themselves, so a zapper isn’t strictly necessary. still, the sound effects would be satisfying.

8 Bryan { 08.16.12 at 12:05 am }

I prepare the coffeemaker the night before so I only have to press a button to turn it on. If I had to actually set up the coffeemaker, I would need to get a good thermos so I could down a cup before I attempted it.

When I was flying on alert we went from sleep to airborne in fifteen minutes, and a big chunk of that was pushing the aircraft out of the hangar and taxiing to the runway. That was a long time ago and must have been a separate universe.

9 Kryten42 { 08.16.12 at 4:43 am }

I am with you Bryan!! Yup! 100%! Coffee Addict United m8! If I’d found a fly or some other pest in my Morning heart-starter coffee, It would be all out war and no joke! 😈

Death is too good for them! Exterminate! Exterminate!

Oooh… Errrr… I had visions of Daleks for a mo… Hmmmmm.

Think I need a coffee! (and seriously, I haven’t had one in a week! You can imagine what Hospital instant coffee garbage is like! Worse than a fly in good coffee! LOL

10 Bryan { 08.16.12 at 7:50 pm }

After years of what was called coffee in the military and the ‘cop shop’. I really need good coffee to start the day – it’s my drug of choice. You get better coffee from a vending machine than a hospital. Neither use water at the right temperature for the hopeless coffee flavored powder that would make it even close to the real thing. I made better coffee using a clean sock for a filter at a camp site than they foist on people in hospital.

11 Badtux { 08.17.12 at 2:42 am }

Vietnamese instant coffee.

Available at my local Lion supermarket (a Vietnamese supermarket chain that is very big locally) for far, far cheaper than from Amazon.

This is some *righteous* instant coffee. Still not as good as what I make at home — fresh ground beans in a proper coffee maker — but way better than that Folgers Battery Acid. Quite acceptable when I’m camping — my Jeep doesn’t hold a lot, my backpack even less (and actually my Jeep barely holds more camping gear than my backpack once I put all the recovery gear in it to deal with possible breakdowns, getting stuck, etc.), so the fact that I don’t have to haul a coffee press with me to have potable coffee is greatly appreciated.

12 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 7:02 am }

I used to have a couple *instant* coffee’s for emergency that I thought were good. Until I read this a couple years ago when I was wondering about the new (then) Nescafe Green Blend:

Spilling the Beans (Research Journal) – Nescafe’s “Green Blend”

I’ll never drink instant again. 😀

Though… I did like the taste of the Kopico Real Java Instant coffee. One thing I do still like that helps my coffee addiction, is:
Kopiko Sugar Free Coffee Drops

I find they significantly reduce my coffee (and sweets) cravings. 🙂

I will always prefer well roasted beans. My favorite is:
1. Papua New Guinea Blue Mountain Coffee (either Gold Arabica or Ba Xing)

I discovered this amazing coffee when I was stationed in PNG for a (sadly) short tour of duty. They used to give a bag of this coffee on PNG Air after a flight. I think it was a consolation prize for surviving the landing! LOL

(I like this from that site):

There are two general broad categories of coffee; Robusta and Arabica. Robusta is grown on low-lands and is predominately for the manufacture of “instant coffee”, due to its low price. It is dark, bitter, lacks flavour, tasteless with no bouquet / aroma. Commonly known in USA as brewed American Coffee.

Arabica is grown in high altitudes, resulting in a much higher quality coffee with aroma and taste. Destined for the European markets of Switzerland, Germany, France and Italy for espresso, cappuccino, latte’. Arabica coffee was introduced to North America by specialty coffee-shops like Starbucks, Seattle Best Coffee etc. Recently due to the ever increasing numbers of specialty coffee shops throughout the world, compounded with the ever growing worldwide demand for high quality coffee has resulted in shortages as there just isn’t adequate production of Arabica in the world. Now, coffee as a commodity is trading at an all time record high, like gold.

Thankfully, the US $ sux so the exchange rate is in my favor! I just ordered 1kg of the Ba Xing Blue Mountain and it only cost me AU$60.35 (compared to US$63.40) including shipping. 🙂 It costs more to ship to the USA unfortunately, about US$83.40/1kg (2.2lb). You can blame UPS for that. 😉

continued…

13 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 7:03 am }

…continued:

2. Quite possibly the best coffee in the World (IMHO) is this one. The problem is, you have to sell a kidney to afford their best, and whilst the blended variety is cheaper, it’s definitely not as good as the pure variety.

Wallenford 100% Jamaica Blue Mountain or High Mountain Supreme Coffee

Been some time since I’ve had that *SIGH*

3. I also really enjoy Ethiopian coffee, particularly from Yirgacheff. I had some recently, mmmmmm…. 😉 🙂

Yep! I have expensive coffee tastes, but given it’s now my only vice, I’ll die before I give it up! 😈

14 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 7:27 am }

Hmmmm! Seems you can get 3lbs of Wallenford Estate Blue Mountain Coffee for US$47 via an eBay store.:) Seems they are in NY (or at least ship from there). That’s amazingly cheap, since that coffee is currently valued at around US$50/lb by most estate coffee sellers!

It seems you will be able to buy this coffee (brewed I asuume) from some of the Starbucks stores:

Wallenford Coffee Company Limited, a state-owned enterprise, is finalising a deal with Starbucks Coffee Company that will see Jamaican coffee added to the menu in 55 of the international chain’s ‘high-end’ stores.

Christopher Gentles, director general of the Coffee Industry Board (CIB), who confirmed the deal Tuesday, said Starbucks, which has 4,800 coffee bars worldwide, is treating the placement as a pilot project that “if successful, they may spread to more establishments”.

Wallenford, which is headquartered at Marcus Garvey Drive in Kingston, farms in the Blue Mountains and has its production facilities in Clarendon, will supply Starbucks through an undisclosed coffee dealer in the United States (US).

The programme will use a relatively small volume of coffee initially, Gentles said.

“We trust that it will grow to be significant within the United States.”

Jamaica has been trying for years to break into the US market in a substantial way but has faced two hurdles – the majority of its coffee was committed to Japan, limiting volume supplies to new consuming nations, and the cost of the coffee, which is the most expensive in the world.

But Japan is now demanding 40 per cent less of the Jamaican beans, opening up opportunities for Jamaican dealers to enter into new contracts.

The Mavis Bank Coffee Factory Limited, for example, announced back in May that it had struck a deal to supply Barney’s Coffee and Tea Company with 100 per cent Blue Mountain coffee through its 40 stores in Florida.

Starbucks will be using a special brewing system known as the ‘Clover programme’, which enhances the flavour nuances of coffee from geographic that, in the parlance of the trade, have ‘a delicate cup’, to bring out the unique aroma and flavour of the coffee, the CIB said.

Gentles did not comment on the value of the agreement to Wallenford, a six-year-old-company and the largest processor and supplier of Jamaican coffee.

Attempts to speak with both the chief executive officer and marketing manager at Wallenford on the new business arrangement were unsuccessful.

Source: The Gleaner – Wallenford, Starbucks ink coffee deal

15 Badtux { 08.17.12 at 10:28 am }

Kryten, you are now rather upmarket from me. I buy my roasted beans from a local coffee roaster (the San Francisco Coffee Company), they are rather ordinary South American beans that are roasted to the perfect point for me. I think I’m paying $5/pound for the privilege of getting fresh-roasted beans that haven’t been sitting in a bin getting musty for years. Quite a big difference from $50/pound!

But that does not, of course, help me when I’m camping. Carrying a coffee grinder and French press with me ain’t happenin’. Especially since I tend to hike in deserts, and water is effin’ *heavy*, so if I have to carry a couple of gallons of water… well, I’m going to carry as little *else* as possible. (My base back weight, without food and water, is around 15 pounds, including shelter and sleeping bag… above 35 pounds it’s no longer fun for me, so you do the math).

16 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 12:42 pm }

LOL Don’t worry m8. 😀 It’s not often I can afford to be upmarket either! Still, when I can, I’ll buy them. Life is too short, and I am well aware that I have used up my any extra lives and luck I’ve had. 😉 🙂 A lot of the time I drink either Lavazza or Brasilia brand beans (both are Italian) which are just supermarket brands and significantly cheaper than the Estate brands. The Brasilia Blue Mountain Style blend is actually not bad, and good enough for most visitors (who wouldn’t know the difference anyway!) 😉 😀 Still, I’ve worked my ass off during my life, and I think I’ve earned one indulgence. 🙂

And yeah, you have to be realistic. it’s not really an option when you’re roughing it. Though, I have taken a small French Press (plunger) and ground beans on camping trips many years ago. 🙂 But the 3-in-1 style instants (with creama & sugar included) are much more convenient on the road. I mentioned I liked the Kopico brand for that, but now that I’m diabetic, I can’t have sugar of course. *shrug* 🙂

17 Bryan { 08.17.12 at 12:43 pm }

If it weren’t for the brain-dead War on Drugs™ I would have a source for cheap Colombian beans . By the time Customs/DEA get finished ‘inspecting’ them, a significant portion is missing and what makes it through is damaged, so there’s no point.

BTW, that’s Barnie’s Coffeekitchen over on the Florida peninsula, and they get $45-US for a 12oz bag of Blue Mountain beans.

The real point is to get mountain-grown coffee, because no matter where the mountain is, it beats the lowland mud.

18 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 1:11 pm }

Whoa… US$45 for 12oz? That’s expensive for 3/4lb! Especially given that you can get the best Blue Mountain via eBay (as I pointed out above) for the ridiculous US$16.67/lb! I am still trying to figure how they can do that. Must have very low overheads and a great deal with the growers! *shrug*

But as you say Bryan, Mountain grown *Arabica* is much better than lowlands *Robusta* beans any day. 🙂

19 Bryan { 08.17.12 at 2:23 pm }

Well, Barnies has a lot of overhead printing organic . fair trade. rain forest safe, etc. on what they sell to justify the pricing, like Whole Foods. It’s good marketing, and they might actually follow those rules. They are in an upscale market, not a coffee lovers market, so outrageous prices for ‘exclusive’ products is expected, or it wouldn’t be upscale. Remember the only way the elite know something is good is if it is expensive. Most of the people who buy their coffee couldn’t tell the difference between sugar and salt by taste – it’s a matter of labels and price.

BTW, this is another reason not to trust Romney – Mormons aren’t supposed to drink coffee either.

20 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 6:35 pm }

LOL Well, there are lot’s of things the Morons (err… Mormons) aren’t *supposed* to do, but that hasn’t stopped them. Much the same as Catholics, Jews, etc…. etc!

Still, if a Prez ever tried banning Coffee in the USA… I’d love to see that!! I want the popcorn concession and ringside seats! LMAO

21 Bryan { 08.17.12 at 7:55 pm }

It wouldn’t just be coffee and tea, but anything with caffeine. as in Coke, Pepsi, chocolate, etc. Now that would start a revolution. Forget about taking away guns – you hint at banning Coke, Pepsi, or chocolate and you would see what has majority support. Anyone who thinks cops and the military without coffee would support this has never been associated with either.

22 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 11:29 pm }

And alcohol!! Don’t for get that one! LOL

The text discourages “hot drinks”, the non-medicinal use of tobacco, the consumption of wine (excluding sacramental wine) or “strong drinks”, and encourages using meat sparingly. The scripture also recommends the consumption of herbs, fruits, and grains, as well as grain-based “mild drinks”. As practiced by the LDS Church, there is no firm restriction relating to meat consumption, but there are additional restrictions against narcotics, and all alcoholic beverages are forbidden, including beer. The LDS Church interprets “hot drinks” to mean coffee and tea.

Wikipedia – Word of Wisdom

That worked well during the prohibition era! 😈

23 Kryten42 { 08.17.12 at 11:31 pm }

Soooo… does that mean that iced tea & iced coffee are OK BTW? 😉

24 Badtux { 08.18.12 at 12:17 am }

I had forgotten that Mormons don’t drink coffee. Just another reason to distrust them :twisted:.

25 Bryan { 08.18.12 at 12:46 am }

The ‘missionaries’ don’t accept anything but water, and that is all I ever see them drink, and I see them drink a lot when they are riding around on their bicycles in the heat. I’ve been known in former years to sit out front under the trees reading with a pitcher of ice tea and I kept extra glasses for the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons who walked the neighborhood. I put a jug of water in the cooler after Mormons consistently turned down the tea, but accepted the glasses and ice.

As for warm versus cold, the missionaries turned down the cold, but I suspect that the Mittster would take the meaning of the letter of prohibition, rather than the spirit, as he does with taxes.

I notice that he doesn’t say he paid 13% of his income in ‘income taxes’ but in ‘taxes’, which would cover property, school, sales, etc. He could still pay no income tax. That is true of the rest of the 47% of the people in this country who pay no income taxes. Of most of those people pay more than 13% because of withholding / payroll taxes.

26 Steve Bates { 08.18.12 at 10:08 am }

There’s a by-now-(in)famous parody by UU minister Christopher Raible called “Coffee, Coffee, Coffee” …

Here’s the whole thing; at least it’s short…

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee,
Praise the strength of coffee.
Early in the morn we rise with thoughts of only thee.
Served fresh or reheated,
Dark by thee defeated,
Brewed black by perk or drip or instantly.

Though all else we scoff we
Come to church for coffee;
If we’re late to congregate, we come in time for thee.
Coffee our one ritual,
Drinking it habitual,
Brewed black by perk or drip instantly.

Coffee the communion
Of our Uni-Union,
Symbol of our sacred ground, our one necessity.
Feel the holy power
At our coffee hour,
Brewed black by perk or drip or instantly.

It’s a good thing UUs have no worries about sacrilege…

27 Bryan { 08.18.12 at 1:37 pm }

According to Rook, cream and/or sugar are a sacrilege.

28 Badtux { 08.18.12 at 2:32 pm }

Yes, cream and sugar are a sacrilege when applied to real coffee. But for instant :(, I’ll take any advantage I can get.

29 Steve Bates { 08.18.12 at 4:05 pm }

I don’t know a single IT professional who actually prefers cream and/or sugar. But Like Badtux, if I’m fed instant, or really, really awful institutional coffee, I’ll sometimes pollute it with cream. Once in a while, that even helps!

30 Bryan { 08.18.12 at 5:13 pm }

You really do need something to reduce the acid and baking soda is not a good choice. Milk is often used in poisoning cases.

31 Kryten42 { 08.18.12 at 9:22 pm }

“Yes, cream and sugar are a sacrilege when applied to real coffee. But for instant 🙁 , I’ll take any advantage I can get.”

Amen to that brother!! 😈

32 hipparchia { 08.19.12 at 1:31 pm }

I don’t know a single IT professional who actually prefers cream and/or sugar.

i know quite a few who do. makes a bigger mess if you spill it on your keyboard, but the extra calories in your coffee keep you from having to waste time eating. 🙂

i grew up camping all over the southwest, carrying lots of dried and powdered food-like things, but still we made coffee on the campfire in a real [enamel] coffee pot.

33 Bryan { 08.19.12 at 5:26 pm }

That pot is heavy, and the weight has to be a consideration if you are traveling on foot. It is obviously preferable, but I generally was making do with a canteen cup and mess kit for cooking.