So, I was out and about yesterday delivering this and that to various people and on a major street I noticed the approach of a Fire Rescue vehicle from the opposite direction with the gumballs flashing and siren singing. Even though there was no one obstructing the lane I pulled to the right and slowed down to give up the maximum amount of space and watched for any sudden turns onto side streets.

OK, I like Christmas as much as the next guy, but I want to know who thought it was a good idea to program the air horns on the Fire vehicle to play Jingle Bells? Seriously, if you’re trapped in your vehicle because a guy in a Hummer was talking on his cell phone and didn’t notice the Stop sign or the fact that you had stopped, would you really be thrilled to have the serious professionals who were supposed to be saving your life rolling up to the scene sounding like they just came from an office party?

So it’s time to get everything in line so that there will be smooth sailing tomorrow.

Obviously you need the text of A Visit from St. Nicholas [AKA Twas the night before Christmas] or one of the variations, although Grinchs like August insist on Santa’s Lament.

I assume all of your cards and letters have been sent, and although they won’t be as interesting as DCup’s Holiday Newsletter, we all know that we save them to read aloud after a few too many eggnogs.

But now that you’ve finished putting up enough lights to match the total electrical consumption of a third world nation, you can sit back and watch the North American Air Defense Command’s annual attempt to take out that red-suited commie’s attack on the capitalist system by giving stuff away. [Don’t worry kids, they are using the anti-missile defense system, so there’s no danger to anyone but taxpayers.]

Yes, today is the celebration of the very untraditional Festivus.

If you celebrate I hope all of your grievances were aired and the airing did not involve the Festivus pole being used in an inappropriate fashion.